Grief, Gratitude and Grace of God
My family is walking through a season of grief. My father-in-law passed away in Korea last week. We could not go to the funeral, because of the COVID-19 situation. We looked into every possibility to go and be there in person to grieve together, but there was no way for us to go or make it on time for the funeral. It was especially hard for my wife who was dearly loved by her dad. I know how much he loved her and how much she loved him. It was hard. We had our own funeral service at home with our children, dressed in black, reading our eulogies to honor him, crying together, singing one of his favorite hymns, and giving thanks to God for his goodness, especially in the whole process prior to his passing. Indeed God revealed so much of his goodness to our family.
We were so grateful especially for the opportunities God gave us to do family worship with my father-in-law before he passed. The last family worship over the phone with him was just one day (less than twelve hours) before he passed (and we had not known that it would have been the last time for us to sing together, read psalms together and pray together). We are grateful that he had faith in Christ and so we know that he is with the Lord where there is no more pain and suffering. And we look forward to meeting him again in heaven. But we do grieve the loss. And it is still hard that we weren’t able to attend the funeral and weep together.
Andy Crouch in the last chapter of his book, The Tech-Wise Family, writes, “We show up in person for the big events of life. We learn how to be human by being fully present at our moments of greatest vulnerability. We hope to die in one another’s arms.” Yes, there is something about being physically present in person in the most difficult time. There is something about being there when families and friends grieve. One of the most difficult realities of the COVID-19 crisis is that we cannot be there in person to grieve the loss of the loved ones. My wife and I were grateful that we were at least able to speak to him and pray for him over the phone before he passed. But there is nothing like being there to mourn in person.
As we have been walking through this season of grief, we are very grateful for our church family. Couple of people sent us flowers and cards to console us. We did not know how receiving flowers could bring comfort. We were literally moved to tears when we received the flowers. There was something about receiving physical and tangible stuff that expressed care and love that moved us deeply, especially when we are not able to meet in person. Several people came by to drop off food (yes, with the practice of physical distancing). And besides my love language being food (and food was mainly to comfort my wife), I really appreciated the physical and tangible stuff that expressed care and love for us in this season. We are physical beings and our embodied presence matters. No wonder Jesus came in the flesh to dwell among us. He did not just speak out of cloud, but came in the form of a baby and ate with sinners and gave his body as a ransom for many. And when we understand the physical and tangible work of God’s grace through the death of Christ, we are moved to our core and we can never be the same.
Apostle John writes in 2 John 12: “Though I have much to write to you, I would rather not use paper and ink. Instead I hope to come to you and talk face to face, so that our joy may be complete.” In apostle John’s day “paper and ink” were the communication technology like emails and zoom meetings in our day and age. There is no question that he valued embodied, face-to-face reality more than the disembodied words of a letter. He goes so far as to say that it is only in face-to-face conversation that we will experience the fullness of joy. Being fully aware of the strengths and weaknesses of the technology of “paper and ink,” John makes a calculated choice to use a disembodied form of communication in service of the embodied life of the church. Technology may be used to fill a temporary gap, but never to replace the practice of being with one another face-to-face in embodied presence.
We look forward to the day when we can meet in person, worship together in person, sing together in person, eat together in person, laugh and cry together in person. Until then we will make the most out of our digital technology as a temporary compromise. And for those of us living with our families we shall make the most of our time together by doing family worship, and giving each other lots of hugs. For all of us—and especially for those of us living alone or away from home—we should make the most out of this time in our solitude to go deeper in our relationship with God and be established in our faith through the Word of God and the Spirit of God. And when we meet again in person, may we experience the fullness of joy.
